Holy Crap, Batman!

12-31-09

OK…seriously??? As if I don’t have enough problems??

Soooo…I paid a dude $750 to replace a water heater that wasn’t broken…then had to pay someone else $680 to uninstall his crappy work and install it correctly…THEN I paid an HVAC person $890 to fix the problem that was actually the problem when the moron replaced the water heater that wasn’t the problem. UGH!!

No worries though…because I immediately left to vacation in one of my favorite places…but unfortunately, that vacation ended in the absolute saddest day of my life. I am still crying bucketfuls. I digress…

Then I flew US Air. Need I say more about that????? US Air SUX!!!

Soooo glad to be home…I put the key in the lock, push open the door…and out from the otherwise lovely holiday wreath on the door fly about 7,000 bats who had decided that said decoration would make a delightful new home. (Well, OK…there probably weren’t’ reeeaaally 7,000 bats...maybe more like two…but a freakish experience nevertheless.) About 6,999 of them fly out into the night…AND ONE FLIES STRAIGHT UP INTO THE HOUSE!!!!!

It’s times like these when a husband would really come in handy, but since I don’t have one, I crossed the grass to summon my flying pest-slash-deadly insect hero…my neighbor Justin! (Did I ever tell you about the sparrow incident of ‘08...or how he rescued Jordann from a giant killer spider?? OK…maybe it wasn‘t giant…or killler…but it was definitely a spider…) Soooo, Justin dons his animal control gear…leather gloves, sweats, skully…and secures his equipment (a towel), and heads next door. I, too, am armed…with a plastic coat hanger. Yes, we are ready for serious bat business.

So we search every square centimeter of the house ( and by “we” I mean Justin, because I pretty much stood behind him and threw flip-flops at the curtains), and we come up empty. After the thorough bat search, I’m pretty sure that we are safe, and sit on the couch to watch the Michael Jackson special with Jordan…when we hear two flaps, a squeal and a thump from the bedroom directly above us!!

OMG!!! It’s alive!!! So we call animal control and sit absolutely motionless and in silence for 47 minutes until Officer Staten arrives. She was perfectly delightful…and as she searched the house with a net and a Tupperware container, Jordann ties a “cape” around her shoulders, gets her own Tupperware container, announces that she is Bat-girl, and goes upstairs to help Officer Staten “look for clues” (yeah…waaaay too much Scooby Doo). The child has no fear, meanwhile, I am plastered to the front door poised for quick flight. Well, jinkies…neither Bat-girl nor Officer Staten found anything….which leads me to believe that either the vision of the vertical flying, grotesque creature was an apparition and I am a candidate for early onset dimentia (hmmm…not completely unlikely)…or as I sit typing this…I am being watched…by a rabid, winged rodent who is snickering to itself and waiting for the lights to go out!

2010 has GOT to be a better year…if we make it thru the night…