Please don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I am angry.

I was hungry.

And that is a terrible time to make me angry.

And you know how sometimes the hungrier you are, the harder it is to decide what to eat??? Yeah! Sooo...after driving circles around Brier Creek, pulling into several parking spots, and having numerous loud and heated debates with myself, I decide on New Asia.

So I speed down Glenwood Avenue with roast pork lo mein on the brain. I am fantasizing about dipping my crispy noodles in the duck sauce, and stirring the green tea in my 2 oz. teacup with the fork handle. Mmmmmm...good times!

I get to New Asia...and the parking lot is packed. This CANNOT be good, but I am here, and I need to live out my crispy noodle fantasy, so I will wait. When I come here, I am usually the ONLY person at New Asia...oh I get it...they added sushi to the menu and are now Chinese/Japanese. OK...whatever...I need a table, STAT! I walk in, and...CRAP...there is a wait. The couple who arrived seconds before me announced that there were two in their party and received a number...4. (More like a coat check than a restaurant wait if you ask me, but perhaps this was designed to avoid the otherwise inevitable name/pronounciation confusion. I'm OK with that. S-M-I-T-H is sometimes tricky.)

"NUMBA FREE!" Why is she yelling?? No worries though, from this I am able to surmise that there is truly only one table ahead of me...all these other people are waiting for takeout...SCORE!!!!!

"MAY I HEP YEW?"

"Uhm, yes, dining in, please."

"HOW MANY IN YOA PAHTY?"

"Just me, thanks." (It's always just me. Sad, I know.)

I get my number 5 and take a seat amongst the take-outers. I wait. And wait. And wait. The couple with number 4 gets a table. SWEET...only one seating away from roast pork bliss! I wait. A group of four comes in, Lei yells at them (with a forced, contorted smile), picks up four menus, and starts walking to the dining room. My lips purse involuntarily and my arms automatically fold themselves across my chest. Am I not sitting here, waiting? OK...maybe they called ahead, maybe they were waiting outside. I really couldn't hear the initial pre-seating conversation with Lei over the rumble of my stomach. I wait! And wait some more.

Another couple comes in, receives the customary "HOW MANY IN YOA PAHTY??" shout from Lei, who proceeds to pick up two menus and lead them to the dining room. I cannot stand the injustice.

"How is THAT possible?", I yell at Lei almost as loudly as she greets the restaurant patrons. Remember, I am hungry, and this is the worst possible time to piss me off!

"AAAHHH, KEW ME?"

"I HAVE BEEN HERE WAITING FOR A TABLE, AND THIS IS THE SECOND SET OF POPELE WHO HAVE WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR AND BEEN SEATED SINCE I HAVE BEEN HERE. I AM HUNGRY, AND IF YOU HAD ANY MEAT AT ALL ON YOUR BONES, I WOULD EAT YOU. SO WHEN DO I GET A TABLE???"

Lei is taken aback. I don't suppose anyone had ever proposed to eat her before. "YOA HO PAHTY HAVE TO BE HEAH BEFOA I SEAT YOU AT TABLE, MA'AM."

"WHAT PARTY?"

"YOU COME IN, YOU SAY PAHTY OF FREE."

"WHAT??!!"

"WHEN YOA PAHTY COME, I SEAT YOU, OK MA'AM?"

"WHAT PARTY OF THREE? I SAID 'JUST ME'!" Poor innocent couple, caught in the middle of all this. But hell, I am about to get their table!

"YOU TELL ME PAHTY OF FREE. YOU WAIT FO DEM."

"NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?? IT'S JUST ME, AND I NEED THAT TABLE." I hop up and gather my coat, scarf, and bag...because if I don't get this table, I'm grabbing a handful of eel from behind the sushi bar, Lei is going to the ER, and I may just have to go to jail...hungry.

All of the remaining take-outers are amused at my expense, and likley deafened by the rumbling of my stomach. I am not backing down. I am getting that table...or... OR ELSE!!!!! The cashier and Lei yell at each other in a language I don't understand, then Lei, obviously exasperated and defeated, puts one menu back in the menu holder and says "FAW-OW ME, MA'AM." I apologize to the couple. Maybe they were hungry, but not as hungry as me, and I am sure they understand.

The lo mein was excellent and the crispy noodles were as delicious as I imagined in my fantasy. I wonder if Lei sneezed on my lo mein....hmmmmm...flavorful!!!